The image of the workbook burning is visceral, but what lingers far longer is the quiet truth underneath it: your daughter wasn’t avoiding maths because she didn’t care, she was surviving a system that confused speed with intelligence and struggle with failure.
What your daughter’s teacher did wasn’t lower the bar. He did the opposite. He held high expectations while removing the shame tax that so often comes with learning gaps. Pre-assessing prerequisite knowledge, pulling targeted groups, explicitly naming that misunderstanding isn’t stupidity — these are instructional moves, yes, but they’re also deeply relational acts. They say: I see you, and I’m not giving up on you.
Your link between teacher wellbeing and the capacity to sustain those moves feels absolutely right. In KS3 especially, teaching well is cognitively and emotionally demanding in a way that’s hard to overstate. You’re constantly diagnosing misconceptions, adjusting explanations, managing behaviour, tracking who is quietly lost, and responding to fragile learner identities — often all in the same minute. That work requires working memory, empathy, and patience.
The connection you make between teacher wellbeing and student identity feels absolutely right. When teachers have the bandwidth to see fear instead of failure, kids stop internalizing deficiency and start rebuilding confidence.
Regenerative schools is such a good frame, because learning should grow from nourishment, not survival.
This is so insightful! And personally affirming. Identifying a teachers lack of empathy as a symptom of burnout is so spot on. May we help each other heal.
Yes, empathy is such an important part of the puzzle. Recognizing students' limiting mindsets and guiding them towards a growth mindset takes so much empathy-- and burnout erodes that very foundation. The same is true for school leaders! We need all the empathy we can get.
As someone who grew up in the '70s and '80s, I wasn't a fan of new ways to teach math until my oldest daughter, who has autism, reached about 4th-5th grade. This "new" common core math that I sure didn't understand made total sense to my daughter, who had always struggled with math. She ended up doing very well in math in high school.
Now I'm homeschooling my second daughter, a neurodivergent 15-year-old. She has also struggled with math. But we've been patient with her, slowing down when we need to, and trying different curricula. We finally found one that "speaks" to her mind, and she is also doing very well in math.
It's all about approach, and different approaches work for different students. Unfortunately, many educators are so strapped for time (and are burnt out) that it seems an impossible task to reach every student where they are at.
Yes! And that’s why attending to educator wellbeing is so important! Our empathy is core to transformative learning. . . and empathy is one of the first things to go when we’re operating with chronic stress and burnout. More teachers would be able to sustain more empathy if they were teaching in schools that treated them like human beings, with respect, autonomy, and appropriate workloads.
Thank you for sharing such a personal and impactful story, Ruth. This really captures the power of a teacher who takes the time to explain, care and revisit learning with compassion and intention. The confidence your daughter found, and the way it changed the trajectory of her life, is such beautiful evidence of what’s possible when students feel truly seen and supported.
Your point about regenerative schools feels so powerful, especially at a time when so many educators are overwhelmed and depleted. I’m intrigued to know how we can create momentum in this direction. These conversations definitely matter. I’m excited to hear about your new venture. Hope we can hear more about it in time 💛
Thank you for your support! Yes, I will always be so grateful to the teachers who made significant differences for my children-- this transformation was just so stark, it really shows what an impact great teachers can have!
The image of the workbook burning is visceral, but what lingers far longer is the quiet truth underneath it: your daughter wasn’t avoiding maths because she didn’t care, she was surviving a system that confused speed with intelligence and struggle with failure.
What your daughter’s teacher did wasn’t lower the bar. He did the opposite. He held high expectations while removing the shame tax that so often comes with learning gaps. Pre-assessing prerequisite knowledge, pulling targeted groups, explicitly naming that misunderstanding isn’t stupidity — these are instructional moves, yes, but they’re also deeply relational acts. They say: I see you, and I’m not giving up on you.
Your link between teacher wellbeing and the capacity to sustain those moves feels absolutely right. In KS3 especially, teaching well is cognitively and emotionally demanding in a way that’s hard to overstate. You’re constantly diagnosing misconceptions, adjusting explanations, managing behaviour, tracking who is quietly lost, and responding to fragile learner identities — often all in the same minute. That work requires working memory, empathy, and patience.
Good luck with your project!
I love your phrase “shame tax”— what an interesting metaphor. Thank you!
I was also struck by the high expectations coupled with empathy - so often people think the two are mutually exclusive!
The connection you make between teacher wellbeing and student identity feels absolutely right. When teachers have the bandwidth to see fear instead of failure, kids stop internalizing deficiency and start rebuilding confidence.
Regenerative schools is such a good frame, because learning should grow from nourishment, not survival.
Yes! Teacher wellbeing is the lynchpin of student wellbeing and student learning. You can't have the latter without the former being in place.
This is so insightful! And personally affirming. Identifying a teachers lack of empathy as a symptom of burnout is so spot on. May we help each other heal.
Yes, empathy is such an important part of the puzzle. Recognizing students' limiting mindsets and guiding them towards a growth mindset takes so much empathy-- and burnout erodes that very foundation. The same is true for school leaders! We need all the empathy we can get.
As someone who grew up in the '70s and '80s, I wasn't a fan of new ways to teach math until my oldest daughter, who has autism, reached about 4th-5th grade. This "new" common core math that I sure didn't understand made total sense to my daughter, who had always struggled with math. She ended up doing very well in math in high school.
Now I'm homeschooling my second daughter, a neurodivergent 15-year-old. She has also struggled with math. But we've been patient with her, slowing down when we need to, and trying different curricula. We finally found one that "speaks" to her mind, and she is also doing very well in math.
It's all about approach, and different approaches work for different students. Unfortunately, many educators are so strapped for time (and are burnt out) that it seems an impossible task to reach every student where they are at.
Great story. Yeah, teaching is often about emotions.
Wow... I got chills reading this story. If the mindset of this math teacher were more common, our schools would be in a much better place.
Thank you for sharing this!
Yes! And that’s why attending to educator wellbeing is so important! Our empathy is core to transformative learning. . . and empathy is one of the first things to go when we’re operating with chronic stress and burnout. More teachers would be able to sustain more empathy if they were teaching in schools that treated them like human beings, with respect, autonomy, and appropriate workloads.
Yes, yes, and yes!
Thank you for sharing such a personal and impactful story, Ruth. This really captures the power of a teacher who takes the time to explain, care and revisit learning with compassion and intention. The confidence your daughter found, and the way it changed the trajectory of her life, is such beautiful evidence of what’s possible when students feel truly seen and supported.
Your point about regenerative schools feels so powerful, especially at a time when so many educators are overwhelmed and depleted. I’m intrigued to know how we can create momentum in this direction. These conversations definitely matter. I’m excited to hear about your new venture. Hope we can hear more about it in time 💛
Thank you for your support! Yes, I will always be so grateful to the teachers who made significant differences for my children-- this transformation was just so stark, it really shows what an impact great teachers can have!
Jealous of how our kids have these opportunities in math now! So different from what we were offered as children.