Thank you for sharing this article with me, Ruth! You are lucky to have found a school with healthy boundaries, where staff feel supported by leadership. I agree that the stories in our articles share some similarities - where yours went well, mine degraded the entire school culture. I wish I could tell you the story I wrote about was fiction, but unfortunately, it really happened.
Anyway, I am grateful to know there are education leaders out there like you that are working hard to push back against toxic environments!!
Yes, situations like the one you described are exactly why so many good teachers and leaders leave the profession. It’s not only overwork and lack of pay, but lack of basic support and professional respect. I was lucky in this situation, and have also experienced the inverse. . . It’s a huge morale killer for sure.
Ruth! I keep thinking about this article. As I'm experiencing gaps in boundaries, I'm often tracing the gap to district or even state policy. How do you think about boundary gaps that are so outside of one's locus of control...but still have very real impact......
Thank you for raising that, Anne! I wish I had some great strategy for dealing with that. In this article, I wrote about a school where boundaries *were* upheld because working in a context where boundaries weren’t upheld (and it was out of my control) was really what burned me out, and it’s super painful to remember.
So when the lack of boundaries are out of your control, then it’s about how much you’re able to ameliorate the fallout vs how much you’re willing to endure for how long. Maybe there’s another essay in there somewhere. Sending all my care and support as you figure out your best moves within an often broken system.
Hi Ruth, thanks for reading my blog and sharing this; I thoroughly enjoyed it. What a powerful message and, you're right, the implications of these leadership moments are significant and can have major impact if we get it wrong. I also liked the farming anecdote and reference to setting clear boundaries. Happy New Year, Cassie
Excellent, to-the-point article, thank you Ruth. Unfortunately I experienced a lack of backing and decisive boundary setting in both schools I taught at many moons ago. In the first I shared a class with another teacher, in which there was a girl who ring-led a pack of others; she would play me and the other, more experienced teacher off against each other every week. In the end, when I laid down some rules after class, her mother called me, refused to continue speaking to me and would only communicate with my colleague. Nothing was said to rectify this. The second school had an awful culture, and I was the target of homophobia from several older students, but the school claimed it could only tackle racism that academic year 🤷🏻♂️ Needless to say I left both schools and not long after left education altogether!
This resonates very strongly with me, as sadly I (and others I know) have had far too many experiences with school leaders who have very clearly not had my back.
I recall an incident where a student fabricated an accusation of bullying against me and sent it to me directly, using his father’s email address… given his father had died two years earlier, I knew this was from the student and so sent it on to my Head to flag the incident and request support with meeting with his mother.
During that meeting, a number of behavioral concern were discussed… but not the email. When I questioned this after the meeting, I was told that ‘his mother was too overwhelmed to be told about this and that it was in everyone’s best interests to minimize the intensity of the meeting’.
I was pretty stunned by this and it impacted the rest of my time at that school. Being supported by your leaders should never be something we as teachers have to question. Sadly incidents of leadership not backing their staff occur all too often…
Oh man, getting on the same page of what's going to happen before the meeting is so crucial to building trust. I'm sorry you went through this. It's hard to stay in a school if you don't feel supported by your leaders-- then you're just walking on eggshells the rest of the time there.
Love this Ruth. The concept of regenerative leadership really resonates. I've been in multiple organizations—both in schools and outside of them—where leaders either failed to act against toxic behaviors or unjustly turned on an individual teacher or employee in order to appease people in power—like the board member in your case.
There's no psychological safety in these places—you've poisoned the soil as soon as you fail to act justly, with courage, and kindness for all involved. I particularly love that in your case, the school's explanation was that villainizing you would deprive the student of the opportunity to learn from their mistakes. That is such an important lesson for all.
So real-- appeasing people in power is way too common. Such a tricky thing to be a leader and foster a healthy culture! Next week's essay is going to give more tips on how to actually implement this as a leader.
Such a great piece and I can relate - I have experienced both where I had an incredible principal who 100% had my back. She stood up for me with a difficult parent who said that the restorative approach I’d taken was ‘too soft’ and she explained to them how restorative worked. Have had another boss sit back & say nothing when a parent criticized me & even when he got personal- that principal had an approach of just letting the parent rant… but it left me feeling like I’d been thrown under the bus. I know of other teachers where this has happened- one where a friend’s side of the story about an incident was not taken into account at all - the principal had a philosophy of ‘the parent is always right’… You are so right - setting boundaries is so important and I love your analogy of the trees & the regenerative farm. My number 1 priority now for future jobs is a principal that has my back. It is so stressful without this.
I think sometimes healthy boundaries (like good teaching), can invisible, while poor boundaries stand out from the chaos they allow. Really glad you had such a powerful affirming experience like this where the healthy boundaries were so evident they stood out.
Thank you for sharing this article with me, Ruth! You are lucky to have found a school with healthy boundaries, where staff feel supported by leadership. I agree that the stories in our articles share some similarities - where yours went well, mine degraded the entire school culture. I wish I could tell you the story I wrote about was fiction, but unfortunately, it really happened.
Anyway, I am grateful to know there are education leaders out there like you that are working hard to push back against toxic environments!!
Yes, situations like the one you described are exactly why so many good teachers and leaders leave the profession. It’s not only overwork and lack of pay, but lack of basic support and professional respect. I was lucky in this situation, and have also experienced the inverse. . . It’s a huge morale killer for sure.
Ruth! I keep thinking about this article. As I'm experiencing gaps in boundaries, I'm often tracing the gap to district or even state policy. How do you think about boundary gaps that are so outside of one's locus of control...but still have very real impact......
Thank you for raising that, Anne! I wish I had some great strategy for dealing with that. In this article, I wrote about a school where boundaries *were* upheld because working in a context where boundaries weren’t upheld (and it was out of my control) was really what burned me out, and it’s super painful to remember.
So when the lack of boundaries are out of your control, then it’s about how much you’re able to ameliorate the fallout vs how much you’re willing to endure for how long. Maybe there’s another essay in there somewhere. Sending all my care and support as you figure out your best moves within an often broken system.
Hi Ruth, thanks for reading my blog and sharing this; I thoroughly enjoyed it. What a powerful message and, you're right, the implications of these leadership moments are significant and can have major impact if we get it wrong. I also liked the farming anecdote and reference to setting clear boundaries. Happy New Year, Cassie
Excellent, to-the-point article, thank you Ruth. Unfortunately I experienced a lack of backing and decisive boundary setting in both schools I taught at many moons ago. In the first I shared a class with another teacher, in which there was a girl who ring-led a pack of others; she would play me and the other, more experienced teacher off against each other every week. In the end, when I laid down some rules after class, her mother called me, refused to continue speaking to me and would only communicate with my colleague. Nothing was said to rectify this. The second school had an awful culture, and I was the target of homophobia from several older students, but the school claimed it could only tackle racism that academic year 🤷🏻♂️ Needless to say I left both schools and not long after left education altogether!
There are just so many stories like these. I’m sorry you went through that.
This resonates very strongly with me, as sadly I (and others I know) have had far too many experiences with school leaders who have very clearly not had my back.
I recall an incident where a student fabricated an accusation of bullying against me and sent it to me directly, using his father’s email address… given his father had died two years earlier, I knew this was from the student and so sent it on to my Head to flag the incident and request support with meeting with his mother.
During that meeting, a number of behavioral concern were discussed… but not the email. When I questioned this after the meeting, I was told that ‘his mother was too overwhelmed to be told about this and that it was in everyone’s best interests to minimize the intensity of the meeting’.
I was pretty stunned by this and it impacted the rest of my time at that school. Being supported by your leaders should never be something we as teachers have to question. Sadly incidents of leadership not backing their staff occur all too often…
Oh man, getting on the same page of what's going to happen before the meeting is so crucial to building trust. I'm sorry you went through this. It's hard to stay in a school if you don't feel supported by your leaders-- then you're just walking on eggshells the rest of the time there.
I enjoyed your analogy of the treed boundary and how it grew to protect the regenerative ecosystem - beautiful!
Thank you for reading, and taking the time to comment! 😊
Love this Ruth. The concept of regenerative leadership really resonates. I've been in multiple organizations—both in schools and outside of them—where leaders either failed to act against toxic behaviors or unjustly turned on an individual teacher or employee in order to appease people in power—like the board member in your case.
There's no psychological safety in these places—you've poisoned the soil as soon as you fail to act justly, with courage, and kindness for all involved. I particularly love that in your case, the school's explanation was that villainizing you would deprive the student of the opportunity to learn from their mistakes. That is such an important lesson for all.
So real-- appeasing people in power is way too common. Such a tricky thing to be a leader and foster a healthy culture! Next week's essay is going to give more tips on how to actually implement this as a leader.
Excited to read it!
Such a great piece and I can relate - I have experienced both where I had an incredible principal who 100% had my back. She stood up for me with a difficult parent who said that the restorative approach I’d taken was ‘too soft’ and she explained to them how restorative worked. Have had another boss sit back & say nothing when a parent criticized me & even when he got personal- that principal had an approach of just letting the parent rant… but it left me feeling like I’d been thrown under the bus. I know of other teachers where this has happened- one where a friend’s side of the story about an incident was not taken into account at all - the principal had a philosophy of ‘the parent is always right’… You are so right - setting boundaries is so important and I love your analogy of the trees & the regenerative farm. My number 1 priority now for future jobs is a principal that has my back. It is so stressful without this.
Oh man, I can totally relate. Being an educator is just impossible without a boss who has your back!
I really liked reading the sliding doors version of what could have happened
Thank you! I’m not sure what you mean by sliding doors?
Ah. The reference is the movie ‘sliding doors’ where there’s an alternative life led because of one thing that was different
Got it! :)
I think sometimes healthy boundaries (like good teaching), can invisible, while poor boundaries stand out from the chaos they allow. Really glad you had such a powerful affirming experience like this where the healthy boundaries were so evident they stood out.
Yes, good point! Too often, these small conversations go unnoticed, when really, they're so important.